Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
How does it feel to date your dad?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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