I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize