Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
