also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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