Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
