someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
