i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize