things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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