Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
