I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
