Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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