Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Randomize
