I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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