im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Randomize
