you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
