Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just high enough for therapy.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
