apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I think I sprained my soul last night
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
