I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
