We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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