so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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