Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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