Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize