First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
