making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
