I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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