Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
