I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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