It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
