My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
accomplished twins. life is a go
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize