I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
