Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
