ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
