Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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