As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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