last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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