We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
We talked him into tasing himself.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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