I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
