did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
