I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
