I am in a vortex of obligation.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I am midnight drunk by noon
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
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