are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
