we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
