hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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