Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
