Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
