508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
