sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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