he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
