im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
