Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
