I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
