He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
