Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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