I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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