I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize