question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Terrible idea I love it
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
