I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
