did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I want her autograph on my taint
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
