Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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