Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
