i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
