You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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