there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
