Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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