I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
