dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
